I haven’t forgotten to the opiate that is Big Brother.
Grace has left the building. Hurrah! Lisa has left the building! Hurrah! Though in fairness to Lisa she left with a deal sight more refinement than Grace the Vile who tipped water over a fellow contestant on her departure and retorted with the most eloquent argument of ‘you’re a moose’. Sigh.
Since Lisa has left the swearing index in the house has crashed.
The new lady, and I think we can actually use the word lady, Susie entered a fortnight ago as a ‘winner’ of a golden ticket competition. Actually she ‘won’ a rather rich husband who bought a ticket for £4000k so his love could have a chance of entering the Big Brother house, a feat she has hankered after for some time.
Susie is nice. Susie drinks tea. Susie isn’t keen on swearing. Susie likes a good nights sleep. Most of Susie is supposedly 43. She too has much younger breasts which don’t seem to like each others company as they are as far apart as can be. In fact you could flood her cleavage and have quite a good scale model of the Grand Union Canal. But of course her breasts pale into insignificance as we still have….
Lea. The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies Lea is still in and is becoming increasingly odd.
"I ain’t fake, I ain’t changed" is an ironic drawl from a women with bean bag breasts and tattooed eyebrows which are running away to join her (fake) hairline.
She is seemingly infatuated with Tourettes sufferer Pete. If he didn’t already have tics, he certainly would after the constant cornering by the smothering Lea.
Elsewhere we find Mikey lying out in the midday soon. He has developed from a plank to a plank that looks like its had a nice coat of ronseal.
Imogen remains no brighter than 10watt light. She was Miss Wales you? You may have gathered this if you have ever caught a nanosecond of the show.
Her compatriot Glyn is remaining fervently Welsh. The 18 year old has also developed a pattern when nominating housemates for eviction. He nominated Grace because she talked about England and Harrods and other English things he didn’t know. He nominated Nikki because she talked about London and places he didn’t know. He nominated Aisleyne because she talked about her ex-boyfriend and reggae music he doesn’t know. Newsflash for Glyn – there is life outside Wales and sometimes we meet people from other places with other interests. Or perhaps we should just give him a spade and he can upgrade Offa’s Dyke.
Actually on the subject of reasoning in nominations Lea came up with a classic one. She nominated Susie because people were now apologising for belching, farting and swearing and they could ‘piss about’ as much with Susie’s presence. Mmm, it will be fun next time Lea tries to reprimand her 11 year old son or perhaps she is going to train him in the art of uncivilization to guarantee future slots on Trisha and Jeremy Kyle.
Nikki is continuing to metamorphose into old man Steptoe:
Her exaggerated eating and talking style must mean she has jaw muscles which could crush lead.
Richard is trying to be all things to all men. Aisleyne has sussed Lea’s emotional game playing and confronted her with the subtly of a sledge hammer.
Tonight the housemates will see either Aisleyne or Susie ‘evicted’ but they will actually move into the secret house next door with five new victims. Marvellous, five new people to mercilessly strip.
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