Backwards In High Heels

Migraine moaner

I didn't post yesterday as I was stuck in technology hell courtesy of a laptop, a router and an inability to marry the two.

This is probably what started my migraine which is still pounding in my head as I type. In fact it is pounding in time to my typing, how musical.

Before I descend into being a moaning Minnie, let's have the good news first. The two kittens continue to thrive and their eyes are now open. Bruiser did a huge audible fart today, I am so proud.

Now to moaning. Today I have been in a mood where I can't agree with myself.

We went to the gym and floating in the tepid water was better than any tablet. Then the pool was invaded by three teenagers girls, creatures for whom hormones are toxic. They screeched, the world was invited to listen in to their conversation and their mobile phones buzzed and squeaked every 5 minutes, which in terms made the girls buzz and squeak.

The conversation which they felt they needed to share revolved around their male counterparts who may have, may not have and may yet phone them.

My migraine thumping went up in frequency and their phones almost went up their arses because that is the friendly mood I was in.

The journey home, all of a few minutes did little to help my demeanour. To the man who tailgated us - you are a tosser. To the man who drove round one of the busiest motorway junction roundabouts whilst speaking on the phone - you are a tosser. To the balding man in the car park who thought a bit of wheel spinning would impress girls - you are a tosser. To the bloke who pushed in front of me in the supermarket queue, go on guess what you are. Tosser.

I *will* do a post about competitions soon, but right now I feel a lie down with a cold flannel across my forehead may just save the world from an explosion to rival Krakatoa.

Spooky!

Last night I curled up in  bed to read Writing Comedy which is turning out to be a very good tutorial book for the newcomer to the field like myself. Thanks to this book I am finally able to see the trees in the comedy forest.

As I'm reading I remember I haven't got a bookmark and if there is one thing I cannot do to a book it is turn over a corner of the page. It's just wrong. So I fumble in the drawers of the bedside cabinet to find something and come across a box of tarot cards I won a couple of years ago. So I decide I will shuffle the cards, pick one out and whichever it is will be my new book mark. I turn the chosen card over and it is....

The Fool!

This seems very spooky given it is to be a bookmark in a book about comedy. From 78 cards I pick The Fool, the meaning of which is (according to Aeclectic Tarot):

"the Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

As a card, the Fool ultimately stands for a new start. When it turns up the Querent might be about to make a move, not just to a new home, but new job, new life. There's more than just change, renewal, and a brand new beginning in the Fool, there's also movement, a fresh, exciting new time. "

Just call me Gypsy and cross my palm with silver (I also take cheques)

Tech Tags: Writing+Comedy, Tarot, Tarot+Cards, The+Fool

Kant Do It

Today life has been a series of events in between yawns. The weekend appears to have caught up with me. In fact it caught up and overtook me without indicating.

Any hope of a lie-in was scuppered this morning when the decorators-cum-demolishers started on next door. It is easy to understand their enthusiasm though as they were dismantling the fireplace taste forgot. At times their exuberance made me worry we'd be getting a service hatch between our front room and theirs.

So a day of banging commenced (stop tittering at the back)

My gags weren't used by the way but I did get brave and post them on the read, write and review thread at Writer's Dock. Got some helpful feedback,gag #2 got the thumbs up! It would appear I am the right track, I just need to keep going.

It would appear I have been sublimely trying to gag (is gag a verb?) for a while by sending (hopefully witty) one liners etc to The Sun's letters page. Why the Sun? Because if you get in you get £15 and that keeps me in haribos and women's magazines - we all need an incentive in life. I got about 5 or 6 in last years - little witicisms I was desperate to share somewhere. Got another letter in today. Well my boobs would never get me into The Sun. If they wanted my face and nipples on the same page there'd have to be a flip down section. Gravity doesn't suck but it does pull.

Now in a vain attempt to prove I can read world of more than 2 syllables I am trying to find the answers to this competition in The Times. I really want to win one of these prize packs of 50 books. So far I am confident I have 47 of the 50 answers but this one in particular is driving me to distraction:

26. Kant Immanuel Kant put the four “principal arts” — oratory, painting, music and poetry — in order of preference. What was it?

I can't find the answer anywhere and can feel my sanity slipping away. If you know, feel free to share with me and thus keep me stable. This one is also causing mild hair tearing out symptoms:

48. The Enlightenment What name did Jean-Jacques Rousseau give to the inspirational teacher in his classic Emile?

And this one is just plain mean.

41. Psychology What do gestalt psychogists look at, as opposed to behaviourists?  (that spelling mistake is in The Times by the way, I've left it as for a millisecond it let's me feel slightly  superior)

That isn't a competition question, that is an exam question. Being a person who has always believed why use 10 words when 100 will do, how on earth do I answer that succinctly? To my mind that question is begging a 3000 word essay.

Well I suppose there are worst things I could spend my evening researching on the internet than Immanuel Kant.

Tech Tags: The+Sun, The+Times, competition, Writer's+Dock, Immanuel+Kant, Jean-Jacques+Rosseau, Gestalt+Psychology