Bummer

Mrs B
Came To Tea
We talked like lively chums
Of people we know
And Places we go
And things found up men’s bums.

Seriously when Mrs B came to tea, the conversation did at one point turn to things found up people’s bottoms (and by people we mean men). Now anyone who has friends who have worked in accident and emergency will know this is a classic conversational theme.

Only the other night Hugh Dennis told a story on Mock The Week of how his A&E friends treated a man with a gnome up his bum, followed by another man later the same evening also with a gnome up his bum yet they insisted they didn’t know each other. Just what is the frequency of rectum dwelling gnomes for this coincidence to happen?

Our story from an X-ray department friend was a gentlemen who’d let go of a rather frisky vibrator which zoomed north but couldn’t make the corner. The X-ray just showed the distinctive look of two Duracell batteries. Well I suppose the bunny could have been up there too….what a great advertising campaign that would be.

Anyhow, Mrs B’s story top trumped us all, the removal of a horse’s hoof from a bottom. Now the hoof wasn’t attached to a horse by the way. Though why anyone has just a horse’s hoof is odd enough in itself. Unless it was one of those awful novelty ashtrays. Perhaps he was so embarrassed about it when people came round, he didn’t have time to hide it in a cupboard so up his bum it went. Thank goodness he didn’t have an elephant’s foot umbrella stand.

Whatever the reason he has obviously never seen the t-shirt ‘the anus is an exit not an entry’ or perhaps he needed something more specific like ‘ the anus is an exit not a stable’.

Next chapter of the conversation was naturally things men get there willies stuck in and then turn up at A&E saying ‘I fell onto it’ which brings me nicely to my headline of the week:

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover

Honestly you can't get a man near a hoover and then they stick their todger to it...sublime to the ridicolous.

Comments

[Stegbeetle]

*wipes tear from eye*

There's some very funny people out there. And I don't mean "funny = haha".

[Kate]

Steg is right - there are some very funny people out there. Still, I suppose it does give the rest of us something to laugh about.

The odd thing is the size of the things people lose. How big are their bottoms? One would need a pretty immense 'orifice' to fit a horses hoof into.

[Marjory]

My mum's story (from her being a physio and exchanging gossip with A&E folks as opposed to her shoving things up her jacksy...)involved some man who had a lightbulb up his bottom. He swore that he had sat on it. Because, of course, anuses are well known for their ability to open up and swallow random objects. Oh yes!

[Around My Kitchen Table]

This post made me laugh and cringe in equal measure! My friend, a doctor, once treated a man with a bottle up his bum - which, frightenly, isn't that unusual apparently. But he had to suppress a smile at the tale of how it got there. The man said he had been sitting on the lavatory when a loud noise made him jump and he fell off right onto a bottle that was beside the loo. Life's such a bitch for some people, isn't it!