Had a ride out today (how very Bank Holiday of us!) and went to Breedon on the Hill Church which is a real gem. Amazing,ornate and macabre marble sculpture inside, original carved stone from the Monastery included in the build, old box pews - well worth a visit. And this weekend it was their annual flower festival tooboot which meant the best homemade ginger cake ever and a cup of tea! I should write a more detailed post but untiul then here are some snaps from today...
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Mrs B
Came To Tea
We talked like lively chums
Of people we know
And Places we go
And things found up men’s bums.
Seriously when Mrs B came to tea, the conversation did at one point turn to things found up people’s bottoms (and by people we mean men). Now anyone who has friends who have worked in accident and emergency will know this is a classic conversational theme.
Only the other night Hugh Dennis told a story on Mock The Week of how his A&E friends treated a man with a gnome up his bum, followed by another man later the same evening also with a gnome up his bum yet they insisted they didn’t know each other. Just what is the frequency of rectum dwelling gnomes for this coincidence to happen?
Our story from an X-ray department friend was a gentlemen who’d let go of a rather frisky vibrator which zoomed north but couldn’t make the corner. The X-ray just showed the distinctive look of two Duracell batteries. Well I suppose the bunny could have been up there too….what a great advertising campaign that would be.
Anyhow, Mrs B’s story top trumped us all, the removal of a horse’s hoof from a bottom. Now the hoof wasn’t attached to a horse by the way. Though why anyone has just a horse’s hoof is odd enough in itself. Unless it was one of those awful novelty ashtrays. Perhaps he was so embarrassed about it when people came round, he didn’t have time to hide it in a cupboard so up his bum it went. Thank goodness he didn’t have an elephant’s foot umbrella stand.
Whatever the reason he has obviously never seen the t-shirt ‘the anus is an exit not an entry’ or perhaps he needed something more specific like ‘ the anus is an exit not a stable’.
Next chapter of the conversation was naturally things men get there willies stuck in and then turn up at A&E saying ‘I fell onto it’ which brings me nicely to my headline of the week:
British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover
Honestly you can't get a man near a hoover and then they stick their todger to it...sublime to the ridicolous.
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