Verses for all Occassions

I don't mind long queues in our Post Office for a number of reasons. Firstly, I get to eavesdrop on the best village gossip. I have no idea who they are talking about but I feel the need to grasp every juicy morsel of the fact Mrs X's husband had flu at the same time Miss A, the village bike,was seen blowing her nose, therefore, QED, the two are having an illicit affair.

Secondly, if gossip is thin on the ground I can amuse myself looking at all the greeting cards that line the walls. I love the old woman who runs the shop side of the Post Office. She chooses all the cards herself and has a section dedicated to the rudest cards I have ever seen. They are round the corner though, and the queue rarely stretches that far.

No, I am more usually down the tamer side. Birthday cards for a Special Aunt, Congratulations on the New Baby etc. It does appear you can get a card for every occasion.

"From the Cat on Your Birthday" seems to sell well, yet curiously I have never seen a feline shopper in there to buy one. "To Mum and Her Partner, on Your Wedding Day". "Congratulations on Having Your Drains Flushed"

Now my pointless verses have a point. I could be on the brink of becoming the world's greatest greeting cards verse writer. Or perhaps not. So I decided I would have a new section on the blog, where I can share my greeting card verses which may just fit your situation as I cover the areas the greeting cards revolution hasn't grasped (yet).

For Jet Pilots:

I'm sorry to hear you crashed your plane,
And you were forced into an emergency ejection.
One minute you're up, the next you're down,
A bit like having an erection.

For (ahem) Confused New Mothers

Good luck in court with the DNA results.
We know it's something you'd rather miss.
But let's look on the positive side,
You'll find out who the father is.

For Unsuccessful Immigration Applicants

Sorry your visa wasn't sorted.
Have a safe journey when you're deported.

I'll take requests!

Comments

[St Jude]

How about one for a new boob job? There are plenty around.

[Kate]

LOL @ the jet pilot one.

Yes, you do hear some fascinating gossip in the post office queue. One snippet of conversation I once heard went:

Woman A: Hi Brenda, how's your bum?
Woman B: Still there.

It was my turn to be served so I missed the rest.

I've seen cards congratulating students on passing exams, but what about one for those who fail. GCSEs are coming up, it could be a big seller. Or following St. Jude's lead, plastic surgery that goes wrong.

[Ally]

Priceless! I'm giggling in to my keyboard :). What about one about athlete's foot ... just to set you a challenge :).

[Adm. Pooper]

"Congratulations on Having Your Drains Flushed"

I thought this was the best one until I read the jet pilot--I'm still laughing hours later.

I believe you could sell several thousand of the "Unsuccessful Immigration Applicants" in Arizona right now.

You are a riot, Beki. How about a card for a stupid boss?

[Rhonda]

Too funny, Beki. I am still laughing about the jet pilot verse. I'm so glad I found your place!

[Attila the Mom]

Hysterical! Absolutely hysterical!