Backwards In High Heels

Rough Weeks, Smooth Edges

It's been a rough old week juggling treatment side effects with lots of work, and another rough week looks like it is lining up in front of me. But, there was a smooth edge at the end of last week. Foyles kindly sent me a photo of my winnign story on display seen as I can't get there to see it (it's in teenage noir and also adult supernatural and horror if you pop in the Charing Cross store) , and my prize hamper for winning arrived. It was like opening the best Christmas stocking - book after book and all other sorts of goodies, just look :)

And in the shop

Property Porn - An Erection Worth Looking At.

Supposedly it is a curiously female behaviour on the 'net - property porn and I am one of the voyeurs. I'm not sure what the impetus is but I do love half an hour of www.primelocation.com and a bottomless, imaginary bank balance.

I can't say it is aspirational viewing, I'm quite sure I will never have the funds to put my fairytale property portfolio together bar winning a Euromillions rollover, and neither do I mind that I won't.I don't feel pangs of jealousy as I take my virtual tours either. I don't feel resentment as I re-emerge into the real word and my lovely, but humble, semi. So what enjoyment am I getting from it? Erm, well I don't know.

Perhaps it is the rather twee life I start to build up in my mind's new home - the property always has enough room for plenty of rescue animals, and on my large estates I have already filled my cottages with friends and family (maybe I have a subconscious desire to start a commune). And of course my London penthouse would be a hub of creativity. Perhaps therein lies the answer, it isn't the property porn I am getting off on but the feelings of the emotional life I hope it would bestow on myself, family and friends the freedom - the fun, the creativity, the security. And perhaps it doesn't spark off negative feelings because I can and do recreate those feelings with those people  I count dearest, albeit in less palatial surroundings. Maybe what I am seeking to recreate is a bricks and mortar setting that reflects the utter brilliance of my family and friends.

Of course if you would like to see what would happen if my property porn fantasy became reality please buy me Hopton Hall (a snip at £4.25 million). I have great plans for it. The accommodation section is going to have artist and writers' residential workshops. And, you'll find out if you are one of my chosen few who gets to come and live on the estate ;)

Hello Weekend, I'm Glad To See You

This week has been a bit of a slog to put it mildly, due to juggling the treatment side effects and work, it has taken it out of me. This weekend I should really be at the Bloodstock Festival kicking up my heels but I had to face the truth and know I wasn't up to it. Yes, I can be a sensible grown up at times.

It's the right decision, with another small drop in steroids, the side effects are having a merry festival of their own in my body and my hips feel like someone has soldered them. I'm missing out on some fantastic hugs with friends, but I'll just demand double from them next time.