Backwards In High Heels

The Foody Police

Today I was subjected to, not for the first time this month, supermarket queue shame mongers.

It’s been a long week, a stressful week at times and I self medicate this with chocolate. Not drink, drugs or sex but chocolate, which is cheaper and at least has the chance of being fairtrade. I have yet to hear of Fairtrade cocaine or male gigolos whose willies have been blessed for trade use by St Geldof.

I digress.

How come the day you want one or perhaps several treats in your trolley, you have to unload them onto the checkout belt under the eagle eyes of a supermarket snidy? The snidy in question always looks as if they have just smelt something bad and you know she has a rebounding membership of a slimming club in case, God forbid, she gains half a pound on holiday (“I just went mad and pigged out, look at me, my trousers are staying up without a belt, I’m hideous”)

The down the nose glance of disgust as I place another chocolate bar on the belt.

I have found always buying a nine pack of toilet rolls helps. This can be placed halfway down the belt and you can slip the ‘baddies’ in front of the Andrex Wall whilst broccoli and cauliflower can be put to the rear in sight of Miss Food Perfect to try and deflect some of her shame inducing eye rolls. Up hers, it will all get smoothed in a cheese sauce at home in defiance, even the toilet rolls.

The food police are now going to target children’s packed lunches. I felt for a mother on the news today whose daughter came home upset after having her jaffa cake confiscated from her otherwise textbook packed lunch. The fallout from this I believe will be:

(1) I bet the teacher’s eat all confiscated biscuits in their smoke filled staff room. (2) The street value of the Jaffa Cake will rocket above crack. Gang members will be shot in biscuit wars as the Penguin pushers move in on the Wagon Wheel suppliers turf.

chcolate, biscuits, supermarkets, supermarket+queues, food+police, jaffa+cakes

Happy Birthday To Me

It is my birthday today.

After a long, hard deliberation I have decided that this year I will 27.

Off to find my birth certificate and the tippex.

A New Project

I'd like to invite you all over to my new project Travels With Jean

This is a new blog where I will be transcribing and discussing the holiday diaries of Miss Jean Ritchie from the 1950s. She was a lovely lady, the half sister of my mother's godmother, Auntie Ethel. Jean kept meticulous hand written diaries which she then had bound and illustrated with her keepsake postcards, recipts, letters - everything in fact!

Both sisters were spinsters and passed leaving no immediate family. Sadly when Jean died her diaries were burnt however three survived as Ethel was reading them at her home.  I cherish them and have always wanted to share them as it upsets me to think that they may just become lost in the annuls of time, I suspect some people would like to get their hands on them simply to rip out the postcards!

Jean was a committed midwife (indeed in one of the diaries she visits a maternity ward in Luxembourg) and therefore I have set up a link so if people enjoy the site they may consider a small donation to Tommy's Baby Campaign, which I am sure she would wholly approve off. I will maintain and pay for the blog myself.

So the introduction is up over there if you'd like to visit and get acquainted. I hope you will enjoy it and I promise it won't keep me away from here bt its something I feel I really need to do at the moment, can't quite explain it.