Backwards In High Heels

I Spy Nostalgia

As Christmas approaches you can’t help but pander for nostalgia. There is something about long winter nights and Morecombe & Wise repeats that make you long for the days gone by.

However, the alleged assassination attempt on a former KGB agent is perhaps a little too far. But as the incredible story unfolds you can’t help but think it makes a change from modern terrorism and the media hype over anyone who looks a bit swarthy. Odd isn’t it that as fashion regresses to the mini skirts and leggings of the 80s (I did that first time round so am exempt from the horror now), we also dip back into a storyline smack bang from an 80s Cold War spy novel.

And proving synchronicity has a frankly sick sense of humour all this happens as our new Bond takes the screen by storm. I’m sure no-one would want to admit it but surely the old fashion Russian spy story gets the Bond scriptwriters excited. No more tip toeing around the Middle East issue, they can go straight back to the old favourites and have icy Russian female agents to tempt Bond with names like Oksana Pantiesov and Tatiana Titski.

spy, spies, James+Bond, Bond

I Wish I Could Be There...

I wish I could be at Southwark Cathedral on 22^nd November. The Queen will be attending the unveiling of a memorial for Mohegan tribal chieftain (Sachem) Mahomet Weyonomon. He was buried in the churchyard at Southwark Cathedral in 1736 after dying of Smallpox whilst visiting England to have an audience with George II to protest the capture of the tribe's land by English settlers. As a foreigner, he could not be buried in the City and his body was taken to the churchyard of the parish church that predated Southwark Cathedral.

Members of the Mohegan tribe will be in attendance and perform a traditional Native American funeral ceremony and take Weyonomnon’s spirit back home. I’m sure it will be a very moving and fascinating ceremony which I wish I could witness.

On a more light hearted note, I’d like to be there when the present Tribal Chief Bruce ‘Two Dogs’ Bozsum is introduced to the Queen – Elizabeth ‘Five Corgis’ Windsor and the Duke of Edinburgh – ‘Man With Mouth Which Runs Like Rapids’.

Amongst the gifts the Chief will bring is a peace pipe, which may be just the thing for Prince Philip who isn’t exactly renowned for his tact when meeting people. At some point you just know he will put his hand up and say ‘How!’

The tribal visitors will no doubt be mesmerised by the culture of the Church of England which will see them force fed homemade cakes and buying toiletries in faded boxes from the jumble sale.

The+Queen, Prince+Philip, Southwark+Cathedral, Mohegan+Tribe, Native+American, Mahomet+Weyonomon, Church+Of+England

It's Not All Bad News...

It seems you have to search harder and harder these days to find some good news or at least news that doesn't involve us all being scared shitless. I know many people are avoiding the news sources for the reason it is so emotionally draining but spare some time for these news snippets:

In The Times on Saturday it was reported an American 21 year old man was trapped in a vat of chocolate for two hours. He had entered the tank to unplug it but became stuck waist deep in chocolate. That is the industrial accident pre-menstrual women dream of. And what's this stuck for two hours? I could easily have eaten my way out in under 90 minutes, I'm sure.

In Nepal 50 woman have worked their paddy fields in the nude to appease the rain Gods. They think it has worked as afterwards there was a short shower. Now just a few weeks ago I was bemoaning the lack of water for my garden and lately it has been bucketing it down so own up, who's been weeding in the buff and frightened God into a cloud burst?

Prison guards in Vienna, Austria thought a prisoner was trying to escape when they spotted a man on the roof. When he was escorted down they realised he was one of their previous inmates who had been legally released a week before. The 23 year old man said he tried to break back into jail "because life is so much easier on the inside. They feed you, do your washing and let you watch TV, which is a lot more than my mother does".

I read this wonderful story on the BBC today. It was red faces at a Swedish TV channel as in the background of news bulletin a TV could be seen showing porn. The TV is usually tuned into news sources but workers had switched channels to watch a football game and forgotten to switch it back which was unfortunate as after midnight the channel went from foot and balls to, well, all body parts.

The channel have apologised and the spokesperson noted ""It lasted no more than 30 seconds."

30 seconds? Sounds about right. This is why the vat of chocolate scenario is so much more appealing to women...

good+news, chocolate, Rain+God, prison, TV+News