Stupid Is As Stupid Does

After the embarrassment of cancelling my debit card and panicking over the phone at my bank as I thought I’d been fleeced only to realise five minutes later that my dental surgery shares its name with a well known clothes shop, it wasn’t at all embarrassing to receive a new debit card, have a brainstorm whilst sorting out my purse leading to me cutting up the new card instead of the old and having to ring and ask for a replacement…

You see. This is what happens when I am unsupervised.

The only way to deflect my own stupidity is to pick on others.

Headline ‘Paris Hilton Going Down’ is hardly news. You just think ‘well, on who and is the video footage online yet’. But no, this time we are taking going down penal not penile style.

After violating her probation for drink driving, she is being sent to jail for 45 days. The talk is she will stay in an en suite cell on her own for personal safety. Rubbish – when she was drink driving she had no-ones safety in mind so put her in a dank cell with Big Bertha the tattooed axe murderer, let her keep her sharp implements but take away her make up and mirrors.

Headline ‘Keira Knightley May Quit Acting’. Knightley, Knightley as see through as a ho’s nightie, is sick of the attention and being a celebrity.

Bye then, don’t forget to close the door.

Headline ’60 something actresses not looking 20’. Would the editor or journalist or whoever it is that writes this as ‘news’ please kindly inject their hands with enough botox to stop them working? So Tyne Daly has enjoyed some pies, good for her. Without make up Goldie Hawn and Twiggy don’t have the complexion of an 18 year old. Let’s just wait and see if any of today’s twiglet starlets make it to that age…

Headline ‘Kate Moss’ Baby Wish’. Kate wants something incoherent, that can barely walk which projectile vomits every five minutes? You’ve got it already love, it’s called Pete Doherty

Headline ‘BB Jade Pregnant’. Jade Goody is reportedly pregnant again. If you thought the Tories did well in the recent elections just wait till I sweep to power in a landslide with my leading policy of compulsory sterilisation of reality tv show contestants.

celebrity, celebrity+gossip, Paris+Hilton, Keira+Knightley, ageism, Tyne+Daly, Twiggy, Goldie+Hawn, Kate+Moss, Pete+Doherty, Jade+Goody, reality+tv

Comments

[Ms Mac]

That Kiera Knightley's a tease. She wouldn't make me happy by simply just getting out of my face, surely?

[Stegbeetle]

Well you get my vote! The most effective way to sterilise people like the lovely *cough* Jade is by boiling them, surely?

[andrea]

OK -- the Kate Moss comment had me projectile spitting with laughter...

[Marjory]

Cagney and Lacey! Yay!

Ah... I see that you trawl lowlier fleapits than I do in order to get your daily dose of wtf...

[Phoenix]

Scary! You sound a bit like me with the need for supervision!

I do wonder if sterilisation is the answer for the reality TV stars though. There is a strong moral argument for them not being allowed to have sex in the first place in my view. It could save a whole lot of pain for a whole load of people

Phoenix
x

[Georgina Best]

Followed the link from Phoenix' site.
Great blog! Very funny!

[Ally]

*passes nice, soothing, ENORMOUS glass of something alcoholic and backs away, nervously* :).

[Rhonda]

Cutting up a brand new credit card. That is SO something I would do!

[Attila the Mom]

I've been having a dickens of a time posting comments on your blog, darnit!

This was absolutely priceless!!