To Boldy Go Where No Fruit Has Gone Before

I love the subject lines of the junk email that gets through the spam filter to reach the hallowed destination of my inbox. The subject line are an ingenius marriage of words that couldn't possibly be spam whilst the body is always the same old, same old. If I took up every offer of enlarging my penis by 3inches, I would have gone from being female with 0in to the proud owner of a 3mile long willy which, if nothing else, would be useful for getting the attention of friends in the next door village without resorting to the phone.

But as I said it is the subject lines which are really interesting of late. My two favourite from this week:

"Santa Claus Telepathic" Isn’t that great news? No more time spent writing letters to Santa, just think it through. I look forward to unwrapping Daniel Craig on Christmas morning. Actually I think I'll go for the already unwrapped version...

"Mountaineering Grape" I like the thought of fruit conquering Everest. An intrepid grape, accompanied by Sherpa Gooseberry, planting a Del Monte flag at the top.

spam, spam+email, email, junk+email

Comments

[Keris]

I've been keeping a note of these for ages - I love them! My favourites are "vitally decapitate" and "obnoxiously genitals", althought "auditoriumbellhopaccident" (yes, all one word) is certainly intriguing ...

[Marjory]

I never get anything linguistically interesting. Usually the knob extensions, Viagra, weight loss and the odd offer to help recover a lost fortune from Nigeria.

Obviously, this covers all of my known actual needs...

[Stegbeetle]

You mean these things aren't real?!?

*sobs*

[Ally]

I've had some really good ones this week: 'aversion chromosome' is my favourite so far :).

[Caroline]

I love the lost fortune one. It is sooo polite and official, I simply must email my bank account details to them. Oh but secretly, the penis extensions ones make me smile :)

[Sharon J]

There's nothing I want more in this world than a 28 foot penis! Just think of the money that would make me! And I could shag lots of people without even leaving the house! Err... hold on... I'm a woman. Why would I want to do that? You see, that's how gullible I am. Tell me I need something and I'm right there at the front of the queue!

[Beki]

Update: I had a great one today 'flagpole arrangement' made all the more poignant by the fact it purported to be from Gerald Gay...